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."Another shrug."He isn't a threat to me."There was a moment of silence as Boyd continued to study Sin almost suspiciously."Soyou want me to tell you the truth about any of it? I don't want to ruin a nice night if we'regoing to end up in an argument over something that's over and done with."There was a beat of silence before Sin said blandly, "I have occasional nightmaresabout us having a threesome with that meat-head.I'm far from being easily shocked.""What?" Boyd looked completely taken aback, his eyebrows shooting up."That's the last thing I thought I'd ever hear from you.""It isn't exactly a voluntary thing.It's quite horrifying.I usually wake up before he can put his dick in me though." Sin made a revolted expression, his lips twisting in a scowl ofIn the Company of ShadowsInterludesdisgust."So I shouldn't expect to be propositioned for this threesome too in the near future?"Boyd asked jokingly.Sin stared at Boyd and didn't bother to reply.Boyd continued to watch Sin in amusement for a moment and then sighed.He pushedhimself up more upright in the tub."To answer your question-- Yes," he said simply."I did.""Why?"Boyd frowned to himself and seemed to be considering the question.His eyes narrowedfaintly and he ran a hand across the suds, absently smoothing them out in front of him."I don't know," he said honestly."I think a lot of it is personality.I never felt like I had to be anyone for him, or prove anything.He didn't care what I did or thought.It made iteasier to relax.""And you felt like you had to be someone for me?" Sin asked with an arched brow."I liked you before you had a personality."The comment drew a chuckle out of Boyd.He smiled slightly, although it soon becametinged with pensiveness."I did, though.I think we tested each other a lot."Boyd shook his head to himself."When I think back, I realize I had a subconsciousdesire to prove to you that not everyone was as horrible as you'd so far experienced.Iwas the first person who got that close to you and it became a responsibility to me-- youhad such deeply ingrained distrust of people that I felt like I couldn't mess up, like if I did it would show you people couldn't be trusted after all."He drew his eyebrows down as he mused, "Maybe I felt like I had to counteract nearlythirty years of abuse with two years of trying to be a good person." He frowned,destroying the plateau of suds he'd created."But since I have a lot of my own issues, Iwas bound to fail."Sin watched Boyd silently, not entirely sure what he thought about that.He didn't feellike he'd ever pressured Boyd to be a 'good person' but he supposed, Boyd'sIn the Company of ShadowsInterludesassumption that Sin needed that mirrored Sin's own assumptions about what Boyd hadwanted from him back then.He'd thought that Boyd's refusal to acknowledge anything wrong in him, whether it bemental or former actions against people, stemmed from Boyd not wanting to see thetruth because the truth would possibly be too much for him to handle.That was whathad led Sin to go through so much trouble to hide things from Boyd in the first place.How ironic that Boyd's real reasoning had been that he'd felt the need to defend Sinagainst everything, even when it was something he didn't need defense from.Sin glanced at Boyd again, not commenting on his thoughts because he didn't want tosidetrack the conversation.Talking so openly about Kassian for the first time broughtmore questions to mind."So you initially became friends with Kassian because you didn't feel pressured aroundhim," he surmised.Boyd nodded."I don't think either of us expected to become friends.It just happened,mostly because neither of us cared what the other felt or thought.I didn't care whetherKassian lived up to the image he had at the Agency and because of that he felt like hecould relax around me.And he didn't care that I was your partner or Vivienne's son; hejust let me be myself.""Are you implying that I didn't let you be yourself?" Sin asked, a spike of irritation rising inside him."No, not at all." Boyd's eyebrows drew down."If I couldn't be myself around you there's no way we would've worked out.I would never have gotten to where I am now, wantingto live the rest of my life with you."Mollified by the answer, the irritation bled away into the warm water that surroundedthem and Sin relaxed again.It was hard not to when Boyd kept making nonchalantstatements like that."Okay, so I suppose I understand how your friendship came to be.It makes sense.Iteven makes sense to me that you hung out with him frequently while we were apart andyou were having difficulties.But why did sex have to come into the fray?" He'd tried toask the question neutrally but as soon as the word 'sex' had left his mouth, it did so witha slight demanding edge.In the Company of ShadowsInterludesSin frowned and shook his head slightly."I'm not trying to pick a fight.I just want tounderstand why."Boyd studied Sin for a moment and then sighed quietly, looking away.He pushed hishair back from his face, water dampening the strands and causing some to clumptogether.His eyes narrowed but it was a pensive look more than anything, his gazetracking back and forth minutely as he stared at the wall of the bathroom.He was silentfor a few seconds and Sin got the impression that he was formulating his answer."I've always been in others' shadows," he said at length."My whole life.Even when I came to the Agency, no one saw me as Boyd-- I was the Inspector's son, or Sin'spartner [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]